A few deep thoughts…

Just a week and 3 days ago I found myself wakened by my husband with words that no person is ever prepared to hear:  “Honey, it’s an emergency, your oldest sister has just died.”  In an instant, I experienced a washing of dread from my head to my toes; my mind couldn’t even comprehend that it was true and I responded in complete disbelief.  She was only 41 years old; it was a mistake, I thought, and who was behind this awful trick?  It took me hours to go back to sleep that night as I tried to sort out in my brain the questions that had no answers.

Deidra was 9 years older than I, and while I love ALL of my family members, there was a specialness about Deidra that discouraged all affection, save the love of the family tie that binds.  I felt protective of her while I was a child, frustrated with her while a teen, and sorry for her while an adult.

Deidra was a born-again Christian for which I am eternally grateful, and as I thought about her during the long trip to Missouri, visitation and funeral, I experienced the need to cry from happiness for her as well as from sadness for our loss.  Here was a life that had struggled through many trials, never knowing the peace of a sound mind here on earth as you and I would define it.  …But to think of her now!  I am just in wonder over the excitement she must have felt when she crossed into Heaven and received the PERFECT mind and body that God had prepared and waiting specifically for her!  It brings tears to my eyes to imagine the peace and rest that enveloped her as she entered into Heaven, something she had never experienced even in its imperfection here on earth.

I can love her now, for the first time, with a love I could never express to her while she was here with us; and for the first time, she understands that love…I thank God many times over for allowing me the opportunity to love her as I’ve always wanted.

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Jan Egelston - June 14, 2009 - 11:56 pm

Oh Laura, I wish everyone could read what you have just written concerning our Deidra. It truly sheds light on our deepest feelings as a family. I am profoundly touched by what the Lord has laid on your heart to write, and the healing He has given you through it. We each of us need that healing. Amber’s, I believe, was through the dream she had about Deidra. For me, it was the scripture, “This thing is from me,” and His impression in my mind….”The key you begged for to help her as you raised her and your plea for her victory all these years was to be through Heaven’s Gates.” How blessed is our Lord and how good He is to us. Someday, we will all have a joyful reunion with her in Heaven!!!!!

Hayley Lundien - June 19, 2009 - 8:10 pm

Laura,
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes not able to control my sobs because I cannot tell you how very much this hits home to me with regards to my step-daughter. Your words were beyond perfect! I am saddened to have lost her as a cousin, but as you stated; grateful she is truely happy now and has no sadness or pain in her life! The world she lived was so different from what any of us would ever be able to comprehend, yet it was the only way she knew how to live….not by choice. She was so very lucky to have all of you as her family, to show her unconditional love and to give her the Christian foundation that she was raised with as a child/teen. I hurt for you and for your family, yet I smile because I know that you will see her again someday!!! I love you bunches and know that you are all in my prayers!!!!!

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