Just a week and 3 days ago I found myself wakened by my husband with words that no person is ever prepared to hear: “Honey, it’s an emergency, your oldest sister has just died.” In an instant, I experienced a washing of dread from my head to my toes; my mind couldn’t even comprehend that it was true and I responded in complete disbelief. She was only 41 years old; it was a mistake, I thought, and who was behind this awful trick? It took me hours to go back to sleep that night as I tried to sort out in my brain the questions that had no answers.
Deidra was 9 years older than I, and while I love ALL of my family members, there was a specialness about Deidra that discouraged all affection, save the love of the family tie that binds. I felt protective of her while I was a child, frustrated with her while a teen, and sorry for her while an adult.
Deidra was a born-again Christian for which I am eternally grateful, and as I thought about her during the long trip to Missouri, visitation and funeral, I experienced the need to cry from happiness for her as well as from sadness for our loss. Here was a life that had struggled through many trials, never knowing the peace of a sound mind here on earth as you and I would define it. …But to think of her now! I am just in wonder over the excitement she must have felt when she crossed into Heaven and received the PERFECT mind and body that God had prepared and waiting specifically for her! It brings tears to my eyes to imagine the peace and rest that enveloped her as she entered into Heaven, something she had never experienced even in its imperfection here on earth.
I can love her now, for the first time, with a love I could never express to her while she was here with us; and for the first time, she understands that love…I thank God many times over for allowing me the opportunity to love her as I’ve always wanted.